Learning How to Be (Fashionable)

Remember how I told you I’d try to improve my less-than-stellar blogging habits? Well, I think in order to do so, I’m going to need to take a new approach. As it turns out, merely trying to do better just isn’t doing the trick. So, I’m going to try to do this by topic instead of time. Hopefully spouting random thoughts about random things will be a more interesting and less intimidating way for me to record some of my perceptions about some of my experiences here. And this way, you won’t have to hear about anything mundane, because let’s face it – if I start thinking things are getting mundane, I surely won’t be able to hide it in the way I record it here.

So, after that riveting introduction, let’s go.

Last I left you, I thought I was getting settled. I thought I had bought myself the beginnings of an Indian wardrobe, I thought I was having no issues with the food, and I thought I had nearly mastered crossing the street. From arguing with auto drivers, to even being able to pronounce the name of a place well enough to argue in the first place, I thought I was making great strides; and indeed, I was. But, you know those times when you’re hiking and you’re so concentrated on watching where you’re walking that you’re totally surprised and awed by the view from the height you’ve accumulated? …And then you look up and realize that you’ve barely reached base camp? I think that’s where I am now.

It’s been a few weeks, and though I haven’t actually written anything in those few weeks, I’ve done a lot of thinking about things I wanted to include in my next post. Well, in the time that it’s taken me to actually bring this all to the keyboard of a computer, I’ve already undone just about everything I was going to brag about doing. Remember all that clothing I bought? Well, despite that it was all either large or XL, I couldn’t really fit into any of it. Even the best fitting kurtas that I actually wear have me strapped down so well that I could probably jump rope without a bra. So, I went to the tailor to have the XL kurtas let out in some places, and the XXL kurtas taken in around other places,  and she just looked at me and laughed. Apparently all this effort had gone into buying the worst quality clothing I could have possibly found in the city. Even the “nice” salwar kameez fabric I had so proudly picked out was apparently expected to fall apart soon after it was made. So, I bought the beginnings of another new wardrobe after getting acquainted with all the wonderful high-scale malls that make up my neighborhood. Good thing the past few weeks have also been sale season.

The savvy shopper I am (or once thought I was), I figured out all the best department stores having all the best sales on all of the essentials. Now, that’s not to say everything actually fit me well, but I was just really proud that the tops seemed like they were shaped to fit real people. But, here in India, people care about more than just tops – my roommates here consistently encourage me to also wear bottoms when I go out in public (crazy, I know). So, reluctant as I might be, I’ve looked into this whole “pants” business everyone seems to like. The good news? Pants here are quite possibly the least flattering but most comfortable things I could cover my legs with. Not only do I own more leggings (and jeggings) than I ever owned in elementary school, but some of them are more obnoxious, bright, and/or shiny than even 5-year-old Tasha could have imagined in her wildest dreams.

To counter the super elastic leggings, we have jersey and cotton balloon pants (think Aladdin) that are probably more comfortable than any pair of pajama pants I’ve ever worn. They are though, one of the most peculiar styles I think I’ve ever tried… pretty much all of them are tied with a drawstring at the top, right above a good six inches or so of material that is basically a nice little cylinder, below which the “balloon” part is formed by pleating enough material to fit my entire torso into one pant leg. The idea, then, is that you tie it above your waist, let the cylinder part cover your stomach, and then have it balloon out right below your bum. The upside? One size fits all. None of this large/XL business to deal with. With the drawstring completely un-scrunched, these puppies three of me inside. The downside? Imagine the immense amount of scrunching to be done with such giant pants. That’s kind of an unflattering thing to put under a shirt, or kurta, or whatever, no matter how loose it is. Moreover, that seam between the cylinder part and the pleated part doesn’t always fall in the best place. The other day, I inadvertently ripped that very seam halfway through the day (and in public). I have never been so grateful for long kurtas in my life. Miraculously, I managed another 5 hours or so of meetings, work, and walking around in public without anyone noticing, despite the fact that this hole was a good three inches long.

Alright, we’ve made it to the last style of pants here. We’ve gone over the form-fitting leggings, the ballooned out Aladdin pants, and as is always the case when comparing two opposites, I’d like to conclude by a nice compromise between the two, which is probably the strangest style for me. I, with my western upbringing, am used to pants that are generally more form fitting at the top, and less so at the bottom (yes, this means that I still mostly look down on skinny jeans). The thing is, at least skinny jeans are form-fitting all the way through. Here, the compromise between super skinny and super baggy is not a little flare at the bottom (unless you’re about 13% percent of the male population here who sport intense bell-bottoms). Rather, imagine the giant top of the baggy/pleated pants, and try combining it with legging-like bottoms. Now we have tight, skinny cotton (i.e. NOT elastic/comfy/stretchy) from about your ankle to knee, where it starts to balloon out, getting bigger and bigger until you reach the top. At least if I ever need a diaper, nobody will ever know the difference. But wait, we’re not finished yet. The style is to bunch these pants around your ankles, which means that when you hold these pants up, they look like they would only fit someone 7 feet tall. See, you think I’m exaggerating, but my pants of this style come up to my neck.

…So, as you might imagine, I’m still a little perplexed by this whole “fashion” business. When I got here, I thought more glitter and shine was automatically better, and shopped accordingly only to find out that no, that’s just as unclassy as I could have suspected. It also fit me poorly and is now full of holes though, so it’s just as well. I’m certainly learning, and most of this seems to make sense to me… If I like how it looks, it’s probably fashionable enough, and if I like how it feels, it probably fits well enough. But then I’m left with these pants that go up to my neck and leave me diaper space. …Should I keep an open-mind, or follow my intuition here? Maybe I’ll just wait to see what style I rip most, and go from there.